What if her father says no

He said: I married a sister of mine to a man, and he divorced her. When her iddah was over, he came and asked to marry her. I said to him, I married her to you and I treated you well and honoured you, then you divorced her. And now you come asking to marry her! No, by Allaah, she will never go back to you! He was a man who had nothing wrong with him, and the woman wanted to go back to him. Then Allaah revealed this aayah interpretation of the meaning : do not prevent them [al-Baqarah ].

So he married her to him. It was concerning me that this aayah was revealed interpretation of the meaning : And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their former husbands [al-Baqarah ].

Fourthly: If there is no wali and no shari judge, then her case should be referred to the ruler or whoever is acting in his stead. If there is no such person, then her case should be referred to the shareeah courts. If there is no shareeah court, then her case should be referred to a man who holds a position of leadership among his people and is committed to Islam.

If there is no such man, then her case should be referred to any trustworthy and religiously-committed man who is fit to be a wali. Ibn Qudaamah said: if a woman does not have a wali and there is no ruler, then according to Ahmad, any religiously-committed man may arrange her marriage with her permission. If there is no Muslim ruler and the woman is in a place where the Muslims do not have a ruler and she has no wali at all, such as the Muslims in America etc.

The same applies if the Muslims have a leader whom they obey or someone who takes care of their affairs. All of this [transferring guardianship to someone other than the girls father] must be with the consent of the girl and should not result in greater corruption than preventing you from marrying her. It should also be on the condition that the reason for [the fathers] refusal is invalid according to the shareeah, as you have explained. Fifthly: it is not permissible for the walee to refuse marriage because the prospective husband does not follow his manhaj of dawah, or because he is not of his tribe or from his country.

The Prophet peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him commanded us to marry religious people and not to refuse them, otherwise corruption and tribulation would be the result. Abu Hurayrah said: the Messenger of Allaah peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him said: If someone whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you proposes marriage, then marry [your female relative under your charge] to him.

If you do not do that, there will be tribulation in the land and much corruption. Sixthly: by the same token, it is not permissible for a woman to justify a marriage to whomever she wishes on the grounds that this person is following the same manhaj of dawah. Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawood narrated from Abu Khaalid al-Sulami may Allaah be pleased with him that he went out to visit one of his brothers, and he heard that he was sick.

You should note that Allaah has not prescribed for a Muslim woman to arrange her own marriage, rather He has stipulated that her wali guardian should be the one who arranges her marriage.

He has prescribed that out of mercy towards His slaves, so as protect their interests which may be lost whenever people become negligent with regard to that. You must have heard the stories of marriages based on that love marriages and how their lives turned into distress and regret, if the marriage even survived. But we do not need to learn from experience in order to obey the command of our Lord or to know the benefits, both spiritual and worldly, that that brings to us.

What we advise you is not to insist on what you think is right and do not let emotion sway you when making decisions. Do not look at your problem alone, rather seek the help of a sincere and trustworthy family member or relative, who knows you and him, and who is liked by your father and whose opinion your father trusts. Then pray istikhaarah to Allaah and remember, when you ask your Lord for guidance by praying istikhaarah, turning sincerely to Him and expressing your need for His help and guidance, that Allaah decrees nothing but good for His slave, whether His decree is in accordance with what you like and want or not.

So be content with whatever Allaah decrees for you. You can also seek the help of someone who can convince your father to let you marry the one you want, if his religious commitment and character are as you describe. In order to benefit from that, you have to give your father time to think, and so not try to force your father to make a decision too soon.

In other words, I do not advise you to insist too strongly on marrying this suitor from the outset. Do not try to start an argument with your father which may lead to him forbidding you and being harsh. Do not seek a hasty answer from your father. The longer it takes, the more likely there will be a solution, in sha Allaah. But before and after all that, I think that you have the best solution in sha Allaah, which is undoubtedly more beneficial than all that we have mentioned above, and I do not think that it will fail.

Although you are feeling so critical of your father and regarding him as the one who is preventing you from marrying this man, we would not like you to forget that the relationship between a man and a non-mahram woman can only reach this degree of emotional attachment if there has been a great deal of neglect concerning the sacred limits set by Allaah, with regard to speaking, promising and looking. You have to fear Allaah in secret and in the open, and beware of losing your religious commitment, which is the true calamity.

A husband may come and go, wealth may be acquired and lost, but all of that is insignificant in comparison to losing your religious commitment. If either of you has done any such thing, then hasten to repent from it.

Let her dad know if your girlfriend agreed to marry you. Together, you might express your solidarity as a team and your willingness to marry without his blessing, if necessary. Your girlfriend could let her dad know that her new life with you will be her new priority and ask him to understand her choice, suggests Moorhead. Work together to build the best and strongest relationship you can so your life together has a good chance to succeed.

Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children.

She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies. By: Kathryn Rateliff Barr. Honor Her Parents Thank her father for raising such a wonderful and precious woman as your girlfriend.